Thursday, August 7, 2008

I'm no fucking Elvis.

So I've been in a little bit of a funk the last two days or so. I'm not really sure why. If I had to manage a guess, I'd have to say:

1) I haven't seen Kristen in a while because she's been so busy.
2) I realized after having dinner with Lisa on Tuesday that I really miss the "Wakefield crowd" that, for the most part, I haven't seen in years.
3) The weather has sucked big floppy donkey dick.

Don't get me wrong; I love my life. I really do. While I wouldn't change anything, I would have liked to have added to it. Change, no; additions, yes.

So yeah, that's about it. I'm not very motivated to be funny today.

Oh, and one last thing: I'm pretty sure that being a music star (no matter what the genre) is a pretty sweet fucking gig. I know you don't believe me, but it's true. Having said that, I feel like most musicians have the obligation when showered with money by concert-goers and royalties from music-and-merchandise buyers to actually play their shows SOBER. You know, so that people can actually enjoy the music they listen to on a regular basis?

I'm all about experimentation through music and whatnot. I understand that playing the same songs over and over again when the only variable is which town to thank at the end of the night can get pretty monotonous. But c'mon, rockers...don't be dicks. I didn't pay good money (for overpriced tickets and Ticketmaster "convenience fees"...don't get me started on that) to watch you stumble around on stage, mumble the lyrics to your songs, nearly puke on your mic/instruments, and generally look like you're about to die onstage.

I'm talking to you, Adam-ay Uritz-Day. Spraining your ankle while drunkenly and awkwardly jumping around on stage wasn't very smart. Mumbling the words to a couple of my favorite songs before you went backstage, presumably puked, and then came back out and rocked my cock off for the last few numbers might make for a good story on the bus trip to New York that night but it makes me hate you a little. I mean, fuck, MAROON5 outshone you. The band had pink lights in the background and their fanbase is nearly completely comprised of desperate female and gay 'tweeners who want nothing more than to lose their parents in the crowd and give Adam Levine a blowjob after the show. Maroon5's music isn't bad, but you guys have been together since the early 90's and have put out some of the best music I've ever heard; have a little fucking PRIDE! Just a little.

Wow, even when I don't feel like typing I can pull off a rant. Awesome.

Alright, I'm going to go sit on the back porch with a glass of scotch and try to enjoy the little bit of today that hasn't been rained on. Be good.

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